I Won't Stay Silent
It has been told to me on several occasions that I should dumb down the truth, or just not say anything at all. I have also been told, the things I wrote are nice and all but I don't have a right to stick up for the lost and hurting. Well let me just say this, a lot of my blog posts are completely sugar-coated-in fear that I might "trigger" someone or someone might actually have to feel the pain or hurt of my past situations and it might actually cause them to wake up and change. Well I'm tired of remaining silent. I'm tired of being told to hush or not speak or to dumb down what the truth is. The truth is that I still live in the very town I used drugs, stole from people, had sex with strangers for money, and everything else I went through. I get triggered every day! Every time I ride past that house where I laid on the floor and gave my body away in the hope of receiving money but instead someone just handed me a jar of change or left and never came back. Every time I see that park where I sat and tied a belt around my arm as I pushed drugs in my veins praying that the pain of my decisions would be flushed away with the poison, I am triggered! I am triggered every time I go to the grocery store by myself because I could possibly see the woman that I robbed in my drugged state of mind who is still badgering me for money. I am triggered every day that I travel outside my house, but guess what I am still here! I am still alive and those memories are just that, memories. They are not my reality anymore. For someone to not be able to read the details of my life for fear of being triggered, I'm sorry but I hope you are triggered. I hope you see the reality of drug use and the path that it can lead you down. I hope the truth of what Jesus Christ did for me in my life cuts you to the heart like a double-edged sword. Not to hurt you, but to change you. I doubted the words that I wrote down about my life because the details are gruesome and painful. I doubted if my story even mattered enough to even write a book. Then I doubted whether the truth really needed to be told and whether it was too harsh for people to grasp. I received confirmation this morning when someone told me, my writings were nice to read and all but what I have to say about domestic violence is "above my pay grade". I will not be silenced by humans. God has put His truth in my soul and my heart for a reason. He has given me a platform to speak because He raised me from the dead and I will not be quiet! His word is alive in me and it is begging to be let out. I will no longer sugar- coat anything from this point on. I will not be told to hush or be told that I shouldn't stand up for what is right. The truth of the matter is the Kingdom of God is not of talk, but of power and the same power that raised Christ from the dead lives in me and I will not walk around with a basket on my head when I know that truth sets people free. I will not be quiet about what God has purposed in my heart that I know can change lives. I will not keep silent the authority that He gave me to step on scorpions and serpents. I will yell it from the rooftops and I will shout it from the mountains! There is freedom for those who want it and if you can't get past the details of my life how will you ever get past the details of your own? God wants to reach people's hearts and the only way that happens is when a change inside of you begins and that can't happen unless something is triggered inside of you. I will not apologize for my life, I will not stay silent to please others. I have something that is extremely valuable and I will use it to my advantage and that is the fear of the Lord. I will not walk around on eggshells in fear of whether you like me or not, or whether you will buy my book or not. It's way deeper than that, it's not about me, it's about God and His glory. So I will no longer be quiet but I will be loud when it comes to the truth of what Jesus did in my life. No more sugar- coating. Do you want to change? Then get offended, get triggered, get real, and get right! I will extend my hand of help to anyone who wants it but I will not sit behind the blinds and watch you get beat up by life. I will stand up for what is right and I will use my life as a living testimony as long as God allows it and if you are triggered well good then! Maybe it will wake you up out of your slumber so you can change your life!