• Rachel E. Reed

I've Been Hurt 

I've been hurt by men. A lot of them. From the most handsome to the bottom of the barrel. From white to black and everything in between. I've been hurt. I've experienced cheating, being lied to, emotionally abused to the point of no self-esteem. I've witnessed the man I love have sex with another woman in the same room as me. I've been hit and told I was worthless. I've been made to feel less than as if I'm unworthy and didn't deserve love. I've been hurt.

I've seen what a bad relationship looks like, one after the other, after the other, after the other. I've been told not to have feelings, not to cry, not to love. I've seen pain that came from the man I loved like never before. I've been treated better by cashiers from the grocery store. Strangers called me beautiful while the man I laid under called me a whore. I've been hurt.

I never knew the name of love could be so misused and abused. I never knew what real love even looked like. If it were standing in front of me I would have turned away. I've been hurt. I've been damaged so to say, like damaged goods, except I was no good. Looking in the mirror and seeing someone I completely hated because no matter how much make-up I wore it never concealed the scars of being told I wasn't enough. I've been hurt.

Then one day, oh one sweet sweet day. I met a Gentleman. One who pursued me despite my flaws. I didn't understand at first, how could anyone love someone unworthy of love. I've been hurt. I've been broken down to granules of dirt, not even sand. Who would want me after I've been "ran through" and thrown to the side after I've been used for someone else's pleasure, forget mine? Who could look past this empty shell and see something alive deep down inside? I thought I was dead never to be resurrected. I've been hurt.

But see He gave me a different mirror to look in, and a new pair of lenses for my eye's view. He showed me the way He saw me. I never imagined in a million years, that I was actually beautiful. See I've been hurt. It hurt. It hurt to look in this mirror because I saw Him looking back, and I wanted to turn in shame for all the wrong I'd done. He touched my face ever so gently that caused me to stare. His stare contained eyes of compassion and grace. Eyes of forgiveness, where time and space didn't exist. See I've been hurt.

Embarrassed I tried to look away once again but His unconditional love drew me to look one more time and when I stayed fixed upon His gaze, I saw who I really was. A woman. Maybe the woman at the well, or even the woman who about to be stoned to death for her decisions in life, but when she looked upon His gaze she was found blameless. I saw that my past and every man that ever hurt me was erased as I stared upon His gaze. I found that every scar was delicately treated with His oil and that His love wiped away my hurt. See I was hurt.

He seemed to love me so much that even when I chose to take my eyes off Him to look at a stranger He pursued me until I came back to His loving arms. He saw my hurt and then He gave me someone in this life to share that hurt with but one that would never hurt me. See I was hurt, but His love poured out on my life caused the wounds to bind up and be healed and He cared so much for me that He gave me a husband and said: "It is good". But remember I've been hurt.

I was afraid to love this man that He said I could have for my life's ups and downs. I was afraid of being hurt, again. I never knew that His love was waiting for me inside a bond between two of His favorite people. His love was overflowing so much that He needed both of us to hold out our hands in surrender to receive His blessing. See my husband was hurt too. He looked in the same mirror I did only to find a broken image staring back. He had been through one bad relationship after the other and the other and the last one did more damage than expected. But the Gentleman loved him so much that it caused me to pray his hurt away. See he had been hurt.

The Gentleman took away my husband's pain and traded it for gladness when he laid eyes on me. He opened my car door, but he really opened my heart. He told me I was beautiful and he was kind. He was gentle like our Gentleman and he learned much from Him. He used it to be the man I needed in this life. See first He took my pain away then He gave me joy when He put the man who was hurt in my life. The longer we tarried the more the pain went away. See we had been hurt.

But this marriage between him and me is like no other love story you've heard. It's our story. It's one the movies can't even depict. It's one that is fearfully and beautifully made. One that was woven together in the womb of love itself. It is one that chooses to stay together despite life and all its circumstances. One that will fight for each other yet humbly serve with the same integrity. See we've been hurt, but we've been put back together by True Love so we know how to treat each other. We imitate our Gentleman as to never see each other hurt ever again. See we've been hurt so know how it feels and its never an option to bring it into our love. A three strand cord cannot be easily broken.

I've been hurt. I've been broken. Then Love showed up and assured me it's OK to love. It's OK to be loved. I am loved. I will never trade the hurt because without it we would have never known what True Love looks like. We were hurt.

"A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken." - Ecclesiastes 4:12


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