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  • Rachel E. Reed

Doubting Myself

This morning I recieved a lovely message from a fellow author who encouraged me about remaining confident in what God was doing through my writing. It was such a beautiful word that not only came from her heart but from God's heart as well. She remined me of the scripture Phillipians 1:6 "And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ." This word spoke to my heart tremendously because the devil has told me for years that I would be better off dead. I realized this morning, completion is a word I am unfamiliar with. I wasn't supposed to start anything outstanding because I was supposed to be dead. I have so many friends who have died because of addiction. I don't know if you know what it's like to doubt whether you should be alive or not, let alone write a book about it, but it can be heart wrenching. Somehow, God weaving His word into my heart helps me continue to grow and make efforts to move away from self doubt.

I have always doubted myself. I have always been an over thinker. I have always wondered why did God chose to keep me not just alive but to live an abundant life while alive. God revealed to me through His word that gratitude can take us a mighty long way. I was remined of the story about the ten lepers who reached out to Jesus for healing. Without a second thought, Jesus healed them all, no favoritism. But only one came back to give glory and thanks to Jesus. God spoke to my heart as I was listening to this story, and He said I was the one who turned around and gave God the glory. I may not have been a leper but addiction is looked at just the same. I was in awe as God so beautifully complimented what I was only capable of doing naturally. Because of the doubt in myself I had a hard time receiving this compliment, but I am holding it very close to my heart. I am trying to see myself the way God sees me. I am striving to become a better version of who He has called me to be everyday. Yes, doubt creeps in my mind more often than not. It tells me no one will like me after they find out my past mistakes and failures. It says I will never be anything more than an ex-drug addict. But I have to remain focused on the truth of what God says about me which far outweighs the lies of the doubter himself. So today, I will chose to put off the whispers of doubt and raise my head above the noise and rest in the fact that if God is for me, well, who cares who is against me.

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