I cannot wait for everything I’ve ever known to completely get turned upside down in one day, said no one ever! Change is one thing that although inevitable, let’s be honest, it sucks. It can leave you breathless in the blink of an eye, or it can revamp your whole life over a course of time. Change can be terrifying or it can be a long time coming. Either way, it is never pleasant when one has to be uprooted out of a comfort zone and experience the unexpected. Humans strive for routine, and when it is interrupted by life, it can lead to hurt, pain, and resentment.
One of the most frightening changes I made in my life was turning myself into jail. This meant no more life on the streets as an active drug user. I had to leave behind old friends and bad habits, and say goodbye to the only life perceived for the last 6 years. I had to change who I saw in the mirror and who I thought I was a human being. I had to change my entire thought process and everything I understood up until that point. I gave my life to Jesus about a week after being incarcerated which in turn started to change me more than I bargained for. I expected to get clean in jail, but I never knew I would fall in love with Jesus and be redesigned from the inside out. The transfiguration on the inside started to reflect on the outside, and I was slowly transforming from that drug addict to a daughter.
Although change can be frightening and unbeknownst I believe the worst kind of change is the one that happens in the blink of an eye without any warning and leaves behind a trail of tears. After I turned myself into jail and Jesus started rewiring my brain, I went to rehab for the umpteenth time but this visit felt different. I went to class one day and change happened in a way I never thought imaginable. The teacher came to me and took me outside to tell me the news of my mother passing away. I never even got to say goodbye, or how sorry I was for the life I lived. This change hurt me as I had never been hurt before in my life. As a matter of fact, it still hurts. Sometimes the way God revises life is not easy, and it’s painful and very hard to accept. A vast amount of emotions over the next few weeks showed me just how deep my relationship with God really was. This change was a test beyond all testing, and one I will likely never forget.
Pain and hurt can be elemental factors when dealing with change, but not all changes are bad. Part of my story is living in a homeless shelter with my son until I was able to afford my own place. I was on a curfew and I wasn’t allowed to have company and I had to attend meetings and gain an accountability partner. I learned to budget, and save money, and gained self-control when it came to impulsive spending. This was a much-needed change in my life coming from someone who based all my decisions on impulse. Fortunately, this adaption was one that I could use for good for my family and me. I learned to think things through before I made a decision and I learned that it was ok to be alone. I am very blessed for this place and although it wasn’t easy it was worth it. This change paid off in the end with the freedom of having a new apartment with my son where we could start our new life together.
Whether change has come to improve one’s life or make a mess of it, it is a factor in life that one has no control over and cannot change. Accepting it may be one of the hardest trials one has to face but in the long run, it will show the reasons for its existence. Though one cannot see the bigger picture as God does, it may be an extreme task to see past one’s circumstances. I am here to extend encouragement to the brokenhearted and the one who sees change as an enemy. Not all change has to be unpleasant, and although it may hurt for a moment, the pain will only last for the night as joy comes in the morning. To not let the unnerving fear of the unknown conquer one’s life, is to find maturity. Experiencing change is unavoidable but with a little faith, surviving changes can turn into welcoming them.
I hope this blessed you today. May God continue to bless you on your journey in this life. If you need prayer please feel free to email me.