Because I'm Happy
I find myself mostly writing about the darkness that comes with my past, but can I just talk about what makes me happy for a moment? I'm so thankful I lived a life of drug addiction because had I not experienced it, I wouldn't have the awesome life I do now. Don't get me wrong, my life isn't all glamorous by any means. Most of the time I have deep valleys that try to lead to depression and anxiety., but God always puts my feet back on solid ground. I do want to talk about my life after drugs, abuse, and rejection and tell you how God restored my life more than I could ever imagine.
"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things."
My husband. Wow. I could go on for hours about how amazing this man that God placed in my life is. I will keep it short, but it's enough to write a book about, and just know, I will be writing a book about our story. He was heaven sent and it was all because I surrendered my whole heart to Jesus. I waited on the Lord and I trusted in Him, and I sought His face and not just His hand. God took every other relationship I was involved in, held them in His hand, and I sat and watched how they all seemed to diminish in the light of my husband. He is patient and kind, he is loving and gentle, he is slow to anger and all things lovely. He compliments me daily, and almost two years later he still opens my car door. He is a gentleman above the rest. He makes me feel beautiful and loved, unlike anything I've ever experienced. He takes time out for our relationship and he treats me like royalty. When God told me to completely relinquish my idol worship to the "idea of marriage" I thought I would be single for the rest of my life. It's funny when we surrender to God's will for our lives how He gives us the desires of our hearts anyway. I never imagined I would have it this good!
"The Lord is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him." Lamentations 3:25
My children. God not only allowed for full custody of my son back but I also gained two beautiful step-children and a sweet baby girl of our own. Now we are expecting another baby in January! These children bring me such joy. Although it isn't easy being a mom and our job as Mom is never done, it's so worth it. When I almost lost my rights as a mother and my son was stripped away from me because of my lifestyle choices, it made me appreciate being a mother even more. They say you don't know what you have until it's gone, and boy is that statement true. Sometimes when I get caught up in everyday life I feel I take things for granted. One thing is for sure, being a mother makes me the happiest person on earth. We laugh and we cry together, we play and we pray. We teach and learn from one another and apologize and forgive. I'm so blessed to be able to have such an amazing group of wonderful children in my life, that are cute to boot! My only prayer is that I lead them in the way they should go so they won't depart from the Word of God later in life.
"Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one's youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate." Psalms 127:3-5
My church, my family, and my friends. I could really put all of these in one category, but wow I'm so happy to have these amazing people in my life. From my sisters to my supporters, to my mother-in-love, and my sweet spiritual parents. I couldn't be any more ecstatic with who God has placed in my life to help me grow along the way. The last almost five years, since I turned my life over to Jesus, have not been easy. I have experienced many trials, but if it weren't for the people that saw Jesus in me, even when I did not, I wouldn't be where I am today. These people kept me grounded when I wanted to jump. They gently restored me when I was on a path to sin, and they never gave up hope that God was working in my heart and in my life. I have learned so much from my sisters in Christ and have witnessed true grace and mercy at its finest. I surely would not have been able to mature in Christ the way I have if it weren't for them. I am not only thankful but I am so pleased that I have such a great support system. I would have never made it without them!
"Remember your leaders, those who spoke to you the word of God. Consider the outcome of their way of life, and imitate their faith." Hebrews 13:7
Life can throw a pretty nasty curve-ball at times and it's so easy to get caught up in complaining about the bad. War stories can seem so prevalent that it is almost impossible not to talk about them. One thing I have to remember when walking this life out is what makes me happy. My joy comes from God and it's my strength. It is what keeps me going. I have so much to be thankful for. Today I can look to the sky and smile from my heart as I lean back on Jesus' chest and just be loved, accepted, and redeemed. He has given me peace in the midst of storms and has shown me that it's OK to be held. He is the reason I have all these beautiful things to be happy about, and for that I will forever serve Him.
"God, the Lord, is my strength; he makes my feet like the deer's; he makes me tread on my high places. To the choirmaster: with stringed instruments." Habakkuk 3:19